Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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