Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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