yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
