She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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