Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
