I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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