Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
