if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm like, not good at living.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize