ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
