I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
