so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
