all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
