OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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