You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
