ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
