I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
