Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
