im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
