I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
