So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm really busy with my period
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