she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
