discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Two words: nipple clamps
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