tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She bit a glass in half.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
