Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
