My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
