I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
