Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
