I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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