Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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