No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
