omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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