dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think i have herpe
just one?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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