today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
