No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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