By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
