i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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