he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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