how can u be prego again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
