I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
