I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize