so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They have beer where we have blood.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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