It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
