So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
