Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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