Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
