My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
