He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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