I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Come share oat with me in your robe
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
