That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
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