You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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