if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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