I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I could make wine with my vomit
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
