And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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