i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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