M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
