these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
