I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
