Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing