Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
