i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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