I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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