So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Randomize
