i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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