i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
